From SoCal Sun to NorCal Soul: 45 Life Reflections of a Fearless Latina PART I

Life is a wild ride, isn’t it? There’s no map or manual telling us how to navigate the twists and turns. Over the past 45 years, I’ve realized that the journey itself is the actual destination. Every step reveals new lessons and perspectives. The beauty of living lies in our constant evolution—none of us have it all figured out, but we collect wisdom along the way. Here, I’m sharing some reflections that have shaped my life, hoping they might resonate with you too. It’s not about reaching specific milestones; it’s about recognizing the power in every monumental or tiny experience.

Something here might click whether you find yourself at a crossroads, celebrating a victory, or facing a challenge. You might discover clarity in a lesson that took me years to grasp or be reminded that you’re not alone on this journey. Life can undoubtedly surprise us, and those surprises often lead to our most profound moments of growth. My story mirrors yours in many ways, and I hope these lessons empower you to embrace all life has to offer.

Take what speaks to you, and let the rest simmer. Life is constantly unfolding, and so are we. Each day is a fresh canvas to learn, reflect, and write your own story with confidence, courage, and compassion. Here are the first 15 lessons I’ve accumulated over the years—may they serve as gentle nudges or bold revelations, depending on where you find yourself on your path.

1. Kindness is a Superpower

The world can sometimes feel a bit harsh, but kindness is the remedy we all need. Being kind sets you apart in a realm where indifference can reign. Kindness is not merely about grand gestures or selflessness; it’s in the small, everyday moments that create genuine ripples. A smile at a stranger, holding a door for someone, or just being there to listen can turn a day around. It’s not about seeking recognition but rather enriching the energy surrounding you.

Kindness fosters patience. In those moments when it’s least convenient—like when others aren’t kind back—that true strength shines through. The more you practice kindness, the more you see it’s not just for others; it uplifts you too. Often, the toughest days become bearable through the kindness of those around us, and by sharing that kindness, you help craft a world you’re proud to inhabit.

At its core, kindness mirrors how we treat ourselves. It starts with giving yourself grace, allowing for mistakes, and being patient with your growth. The more you embrace this, the more it radiates outward. Remember, kindness isn’t weakness; it’s a quiet strength that lifts everything it touches.

BTW, this does not mean I am a doormat by any means. I'm from Generation FAFO. Still I lead with kindness unless provoked. Have the day you deserve I say. 

2. Failure is the Best Teacher

Failure loves to show up just when you think you have it all figured out. But it isn’t the end of the road; it’s just the beginning! Each setback carries a lesson, even if it isn’t clear at first. Honestly, I’ve learned far more from my failures than from my successes. Failure pushes you to reassess, dig deeper, and grow in ways you might never have imagined.

It’s in those challenging moments, when you step out of your comfort zone, that the real magic unfolds. Growth doesn’t come when the sails are smooth; it happens as you weather the storm. Failing doesn’t label you a failure—it signals you’re trying, learning, and laying the groundwork for future triumphs. In fact, failure is evidence that you’re pushing boundaries and striving for more.

The secret? Don’t let failure dictate your identity. We often allow failure to convince us we’re not enough. Flip the script! It actually signifies that you’re courageous enough to take risks and aim high. Let failure guide you; sometimes, it’s the compass steering you in the direction you’re meant to go.

Mistakes = Lessons = Learning = Progress

After watching the Cleveland Guardians lose game 5 of the ALCS against the New York Yankees, Stephen Vogt, the Guardians' manager had this to say, "I have a mentor of mine that says learn the lesson, leave the event. You leave the event behind and you learn everything you can from it, and there’s no going back. Everybody makes mistakes. Everyone makes good decisions, bad decisions, or they just didn’t work. For me, it’s learn the lesson, leave the event."

Perfect.

3. People Change, and That’s Okay

Change is the only constant, and people are no exception. I’ve learned that relationships ebb and flow; sometimes, not everyone is meant to accompany you for the whole ride. This can be tough to swallow, especially with those you’ve shared meaningful moments. But growing sometimes means letting go, and that’s perfectly okay. It reflects evolution, not failure.

We often cling to relationships out of loyalty or nostalgia, even when they no longer nurture us. Holding onto the past doesn’t leave space for new experiences. People will change, as will you, and sometimes that calls for parting ways. Letting go isn’t about bitterness but accepting that your journeys no longer align. This allows you and the other person to venture into exciting new directions.

Cherish those memories without anger or regret. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, but that doesn’t lessen its worth. Some people enter your life to impart lessons, support during a season, and then gracefully exit. That’s simply life’s rhythm. Embrace it, and trust that the right souls will stick around.

There are only so many seats at your table. Choose wisely on who gets to occupy a seat. 

4. It’s Okay Not to Know

We’ve been conditioned to believe that not knowing equates to weakness, but I can tell you it’s quite the opposite! Admitting your lack of knowledge opens doors to learning and growth. It’s completely fine to ask questions, seek out new insights, and embrace uncertainty. The older I get, the more I realize that life is all about learning, unlearning, and relearning.

There’s great power in saying, “I don’t know.” It showcases humility and a readiness to evolve. Too often, we feel pressured to have all the answers, but that mindset can keep you stagnant. Embracing uncertainty unlocks fresh perspectives and encourages unexpected solutions.

Some of the best chances in my life have unfolded from moments of uncertainty. When you let go of the need to control every aspect, you start opening yourself to the delightful surprises life has in store. So, let’s celebrate the unknown—this is where possibility thrives. In not knowing, you carve out space to become who you’re meant to be.

"I don't know" can lead you to "let me find/figure it out." I mean if it's that important to you, you will find a way, if not you'll find an excuse. Either way you'll get answers so you can move on to the next thing.

5. Boundaries Are Not Selfish

I once thought that setting boundaries made me selfish. I used to be the person who gave and gave until it drained my own well-being. The hard truth I learned? Boundaries aren’t about putting up walls—they’re about protecting your peace. They help you show up as the best version of yourself for those who truly matter.

Boundaries are essential for fostering healthy relationships, both with others and within yourself. They guide others on how to treat you and clarify what you’re ready to accept. Without them, you risk burnout, resentment, and emotional drain. You can’t be everything to everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it shows you value your time and energy.

Discovering the art of setting boundaries was one of the most liberating experiences of my life. It allowed me to reclaim my time, prioritize my needs, and ultimately show up better for those I cherish. When you establish boundaries, you’re not just protecting yourself; you’re creating space for healthier, more balanced connections. So don’t hesitate to establish them—they’re a beautiful form of self-respect.

Basically, you're not gonna mess up my peace just because you can't find yours. All I'm saying is protect your peace AT ALL COSTS.

6. Your Body is Your Friend, Not Your Enemy

It’s all too easy to criticize our bodies, especially in a world that bombards us with unrealistic beauty standards. But through my journey, I’ve realized that my body isn’t the enemy—it’s my greatest ally. It has carried me through 45 years of challenges, victories, and everything in between. Learning to honor my body for what it does, rather than how it looks, has been a transformative revelation.

Your body tirelessly supports you, even when you neglect to treat it with the care it deserves. It’s simple to zero in on its flaws, but everything shifts when you flip the script to gratitude. Rather than criticizing, I began to express thanks to my body for enduring tough days, allowing me to experience life, and acting as a vessel of strength, even when I didn’t fully appreciate it.

This shift in mindset is truly liberating. It encourages you to treat your body with respect, nurturing it instead of tearing it down. When you view your body as a partner on this journey rather than a project that needs fixing, you cultivate a much healthier relationship with yourself. Remember, this body, with all its imperfections, is the reason you’re here—honor it.

I don't skip checkups. I did so for the longest and I wish I hadn't. But I can't change the past, I can only change my future. 

Information my friend. Get the information you need to make informed decisions about your health and well-being. 

Hydrate, moisturize, sleep and eat a piece of fucking fruit or a vegetable once in a while.9

7. Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Comparison is sneaky. It may creep up when you least expect it—scrolling through social media, hearing about someone else’s triumph, or feeling stuck in your journey. It’s easy to slip into the trap of comparing your life with others, but I’ve learned that it robs you of the joy from your own accomplishments. It blinds you to the beauty of YOUR unique path.

Truth be told, everyone’s journey is distinct. We all have our own timelines, struggles, and victories. When you measure your behind-the-scenes with someone else's highlight reel, you cheat yourself. You miss the chance to celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Instead of dwelling on what others have, focus on how far YOU have come.

Breaking the comparison cycle is tough, but it’s essential for your mental well-being and overall happiness. Each time you catch yourself measuring against others, remind yourself that your journey is your own. Celebrate your progress, your growth, and your path. The only person worth comparing yourself to is the version of yourself from yesterday.

My unopened makeup palettes are proof that I needed to stop trying to be something I was never gonna be. I'm gonna rock loafers, flats, and sneakers instead of the ankle breakers.

I didn't do "life" the way it was sold to me and that's OK. 

If it's not your steez, don't front, right? 

I've gotta be me just like Sammy D.

8. Time is a Precious Currency

One of life’s most valuable lessons is that time is the only resource you can’t replenish. You can earn more money, but you can’t reclaim time. As we journey through life, it’s crucial to recognize that how we spend our time shapes our happiness, fulfillment, and legacy. It’s not about cramming as much into each day as possible; it’s about being intentional with how you invest your time. Are you building the life you desire or letting moments slip away on trivial pursuits?

Over time, I’ve become more comfortable with saying no. It’s not always easy, especially when we’ve been conditioned to view busyness as productivity. But saying no to activities or commitments that don’t align with your goals or joy is one of the most freeing moves you can make. It opens space for what truly matters—spending time with loved ones, nurturing passions, or simply taking a breather.

Time has a remarkable way of enhancing clarity. When you look back, it won’t be the endless to-do lists that stand out; it’ll be the moments you truly lived—the laughter, the sunsets, the quiet coffee-filled mornings. Prioritize those magical instances because they hold true value. In the end, time is our most precious gift—use it wisely.

Maybe I've reached the age where I'm not gonna understand certain things, like doomscrolling, hate watching or arguing with people online. My time and energy are better spent on more positive pursuits. When people ask me how I can do so much, this is how. I prioritize how I want to spend my time. This also falls under protecting your peace. Time to Marie Kondo your shit. 

9. You Can Reinvent Yourself at Any Age

There’s this myth floating around that after a certain age, it’s too late to start anew or reinvent yourself. Let me tell you, that’s complete nonsense! Life is all about reinvention, and every chapter presents fresh opportunities to pivot, change direction, or pursue passions that excite you. Whether you're 25, 45, or even 65, the only thing standing in your way is the belief that you can’t. The truth is, you can hit reset at any time.

Reinvention doesn’t mean erasing your past; it’s about integrating all that you’ve learned and evolving into new versions of yourself. It could mean switching careers, starting a new hobby, or even changing how you view yourself. The key is remaining curious and open to the possibilities. Reinvention isn't failure; it’s a powerful sign of growth. Every new beginning is fueled by everything you’ve learned along the way.

I’ve embarked on countless reinventions, and each time has revealed something new about my capabilities. The fear of starting anew never fully dissipates, but neither does the thrill of stepping into the unknown. If there’s one crucial takeaway for you, it’s that reinvention keeps life vibrant. If you’re feeling stuck, don’t hesitate to shake things up. Your next chapter is waiting to be written!

My parents always taught me that as long as I wake up each morning, I have a new opportunity to make my life better. I wholeheartedly believe this and live this. 

Here's just a sample:

- Makeup artist assistant - $700 a paycheck for a few hours of work back in 2002.
- Massage therapist - first business, well techinically second because as a kid I sold cake decorations.
- Gelateria manager - which BTW I got because I took a hard look at what my skills were at the time and made those fuckers shine on a resume. I doubled my salary.
- BBS SySop - used the BBS to network with people to get gigs.
- Line Cook - learned my kitchen chops here and had a chance to go to culinary school but decided to go another route. :) 
- Minister - yep I can marry you.

10. Gratitude is a Game Changer

Gratitude isn’t merely polite niceties; it’s a transformative mindset shift that can reshape your perception of life. When you focus on what you have rather than what you’re lacking, everything changes. Gratitude reprograms your mind to seek the good, even when the going gets tough. It doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to adversity, but it does highlight the small blessings, even amidst challenges.

Practicing gratitude has grounded me in ways I didn’t anticipate. It’s all too easy to get swept away in daily chaos and overlook those little moments—the sun shining on your face, laughter filling the air, a peaceful few moments of stillness. But taking the time to acknowledge these gifts creates a powerful ripple effect. Suddenly, you start noticing the abundance around you, and life feels a little brighter.

Gratitude also pulls you away from the trap of comparison and envy. Instead of focusing on what others possess, you begin to appreciate your own journey. It reminds you that where you stand today is enough, and that’s a wonderfully empowering feeling. While gratitude won’t erase all your problems, it equips you with the strength to face them through a more positive, hopeful lens.

This one. This one right here. You'll feel lighter and won't have the need to spend frivolously on bullshit that doesn't matter. Being content helps the wallet, but more importantly it helps your spirit.

11. Friendship Evolves, But True Friends Remain

As we age, one of the most challenging lessons we learn is that not all friendships endure, and that’s perfectly okay. Life takes people in different directions, and sometimes, those bonds that once felt unbreakable just drift apart. That doesn’t detract from their impact during their time in your life. Like everything else, friendships evolve. And sometimes, that evolution means letting go with love, knowing both of you are growing separately.

Yet, there are friendships that withstand the tests of time. These are the connections that still feel like home, regardless of distance or time away. True friends don’t need constant contact to validate the bond—they instinctively understand. They show up when it matters most, supporting you in both significant and subtle ways, embracing you for who you are, flaws and all. These friendships are rare gems that deserve nurturing and appreciation.

I’ve learned it’s less about having a vast circle of friends and more about cultivating a solid inner circle filled with those who genuinely care. Quality always trumps quantity in relationships. Life may shift and change, but those core connections, built on mutual affection, respect, and understanding, will remain. With that, you’re never truly alone.

I can count the amount of friends I have on one hand. I'm okay with that. These are the people that I truly value and they value me. 

One I've known since '94. Lost touch for a few years, then reconnected, and we just picked up where we left off.

They drove about 400 miles one way to come check on me when my dad passed away. 

12. Self-Care is Non-Negotiable

For too long, I viewed self-care as a luxury, something to consider only when time permitted. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that self-care is an absolute necessity. It goes beyond spa days or bubble baths—although those can be delightful! It’s about doing what replenishes your energy and restores your essence. Self-care encompasses setting boundaries, saying no when it’s required, and making space for soul-nourishing activities.

Without self-care, burnout becomes inevitable. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and attempting to do so only results in feelings of depletion and resentment. It’s easy to think that pushing through will make things simpler, but that’s not how it works. Self-care beckons you to pause, rest, and recharge, allowing you to show up more fully in your life and for those who depend on you. It’s about preserving your well-being so you can wholeheartedly pursue your dreams and goals.

The challenge often lies in giving yourself permission to prioritize self-care. There will forever be something that seems more urgent, but nothing holds greater importance than your mental, emotional, and physical health. Self-care is about acknowledging your value and choosing to prioritize your well-being. It’s an act of self-love, and it’s essential.

Every day there's an opportunity for self-care. If you can't carve out an hour a day for yourself, it means that you need prioritize that like now. You can't pour from an empty cup. 

13. Let Go of the Need to Control Everything

Life thrives on unpredictability. Despite our best-laid plans, outcomes rarely play out as expected. One of the most liberating lessons I've absorbed is to relinquish the need for control. Breaking this habit isn’t easy, as it gives us a comforting illusion of security. We believe if we can manage every detail, we can sidestep disappointment or failure. But in reality, life is bound to throw curveballs our way, and clinging to control only breeds stress and frustration.

Letting go of control doesn’t equate to surrendering; it’s about embracing the journey. Trusting the process means believing things will unfold, even if they diverge from your intended plan. It involves releasing the grip on how you think life should unfold and remaining open to the wonderful surprises that may arise. When you stop micromanaging each detail, you create space for unexpected joys and opportunities you never anticipated.

This doesn’t mean abandoning your goals or efforts; it’s about accepting that some things remain out of your grasp. Life is a blend of intention and surrender, of hard work and faith. The more you lean into this flow, the more serenity you’ll discover, even amid tumult. Letting go may be one of the hardest things you ever do—but it’s also one of the most liberating.

Type A personality here. I often have to remind myself of this. It isn't a one and done. It's more of a continuous battle. Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's OCD. 

14. The World is Both Bigger and Smaller Than You Think

Traveling and exploring this beautiful planet has taught me that it’s both vast and intimately connected. Countless places beckon to be discovered, cultures yearn to share stories, and people are waiting to connect—all of which can make you feel small against life’s backdrop. Yet travel also unveils our shared humanity. Regardless of language, customs, or history, the essence of the human experience is universal—we all strive for meaningful, joyful lives.

Stepping outside your comfort zone opens your mind and heart to the myriad ways people live, reminding you that your perspective isn’t the sole narrative. This bruises assumptions and cultivates empathy and adaptability. Travel reveals truths about ourselves as we see the world from divergent lenses. You come to understand just how vast the world truly is.

Conversely, travel shrinks the globe in surprising ways. You discover commonalities with individuals from all walks of life, enlightening you to the reality that, despite differences, we hold more in common than we think. We all desire connection, love, and purpose. Travel dissolves barriers, serving as a poignant reminder of our shared global community. It’s a humbling, awe-inspiring truth that enriches the soul.

15. Your Career is Not Your Identity

For many years, I equated my profession with my self-worth. My job consumed my energy and attention, and I mistakenly believed that my title defined my value as an individual. Yet over time, I’ve grasped that your career is merely one piece of your identity—it doesn't encompass the entirety of who you are. You are so much more than your work, successes, or setbacks.

The danger in linking your identity to your career is the ensuing uncertainty when life doesn’t follow your expected path. Jobs change; industries evolve; sometimes life leads you on unexpected journeys. When your identity is too entwined with what you do, these shifts can leave you feeling lost. Understanding that your worth is inherent, not a reflection of your job title, makes these changes less daunting.

Invest in all facets of your life—relationships, hobbies, pursuits beyond work. These aspects add depth and meaning and remind you that you are a multifaceted individual, with or without a prestigious title. Your career certainly matters, but it isn't your defining feature. Remember, who you are is far more significant than what you do.

Conclusion

Reflecting on these first 15 lessons, I’m reminded of how much life has already taught me—and how much more there is to learn. These reflections are the building blocks of who I’ve become: someone who values kindness as a superpower, who sees failure as a necessary teacher, and who’s learned that setting boundaries is an act of self-love, not selfishness.

Each of these lessons represents moments of growth, both painful and empowering, and they’ve all shaped how I navigate the world. If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this part of the journey, it’s that life doesn’t have to be perfect for you to keep moving forward. The messiness, the challenges, and the quiet victories all matter—they’re part of your evolution.

This is just the beginning. In Part Two, I’ll dive deeper into more reflections that touch on everything from self-care to letting go of control. Life is full of twists and turns, but with every experience, you gain something valuable—if you’re willing to look for it. Stay with me as we continue exploring these 45 life reflections because the best lessons are the ones that come when you least expect them.

Let's keep going—there’s more wisdom, wit, and real talk ahead.

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